Bruce the Blog
By Bruce Apar
When Bruce The Blog Listens, People Talk

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News Item: Boy Genius + Internet Illionaire Coogle Gallahan became the first 11-year-old commencement speaker in the Milky Way when he addressed graduates of YouTube Youniversity. Master Callahan’s remarks were live-streamed in a private feed from his bunk bed directly to the device of choice watched by graduates, families and Hackers Anonymous! (HA!). Following are highlights of the historic happening…

“Graduates, Parents, Relatives, Other Viewers, Honorable Voyeurs… As I lay before you today, milk and cookies bedside, I am reminded of the immortal word of that great non-American, Justin Bieber, may he rest a piece: “Believe”… what I am about to say.

“For, truly, what choice have you? My generation is the future, and yours, whatever your inappropriate age, is either the present or (spoiler alert: here comes the shade) is clip-clopping like a tired nag into the sadly setting sun. Oh, you still have some skin in the game, to be sure, but it is rapidly being dappled to death by liver spots. C’est la mort.

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